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Éomer and his best friends would have an ongoing dispute because he tried to get kicked out of the Rohan Cavalry Brigade (The Plains Are Always Right!) and accidentally got his buddy kicked out, too, for reasons (Éomer is a total loser in this version by the way, and everyone hates and abuses him). Éowyn and Éomer would argue constantly over every imaginable thing. In Rohan, we’d get lots of examples of what incompetent simps the Rohirrim are. Galadriel’s adventure would take her first to the ocean for a long swim, then to the jungles of the Even Further South Southlands, then to the North Pole where she would scornfully refuse advice from Santa Claus (who turns out to be a servant of Sauron and has enslaved worker elves in his diabolical factories).įinally, she’d make it to Rohan along with her new friend Balhrand (the king of the Even Further South Southlands, we soon discover, and a roguish rogue who may or may not be a good guy or a bad guy but is definitely a guy). In Story #4, Elrond would send Legolas to the Lonely Mountain to enlist the aid of the dwarves, but in reality he’d have a secret plan even Legolas wasn’t aware of to trick the dwarves into giving them some precious jewels that would act as, uh, like an EMP grenade against Nazguls or something.

#Crown trick mysterious stranger how to

In Story #3, Galadriel would set out from Lothlorien bedecked in full plate armor (as elves do) and head to Rohan where she’d make quick work of Wormtongue and rally the Riders of Rohan to war! She would be sure to show the warriors of Rohan how to swordfight while she was at it, and impress everyone with both her fighting skills and her people skills.

But Sauron would allow Aragorn to keep his weapons and armor.

#Crown trick mysterious stranger free

In Story #2, Aragorn and a crack team of Gondor Rangers (go go Gondor Rangers!) would head for Mordor where they’d soon be captured, but Aragorn would be set free to take a message back to his people: Submit to Sauron or face extinction! Sauron is building a realm where evil will not merely survive, but prosper, after all.Then she’d gather the rest of the Shire to make for a ruined Hobbit castle, where she’d rally the Hobbits to make a valiant last stand against the nearby ditch-digging orcs led by an evil Hobbit with a striking resemblance to Lucius Malfoy. In Story #1, a fierce Hobbit baker woman would encounter an orc and smack it to death with her rolling-pin.